I MOVED TO SUBSTACK

 All the cool kids were doing it and I wanted them to read my shit. So. Come be a cool kid: 

https://crystalprecious.substack.com/

You might notice there's TWO newsletters attached to my profile.. that's because, in spite of my last post (which was written in 2022, BTW, not today, but I guess I forgot to post it?) ... we ended up starting a rave digest blast after all! AND WE'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR 3 YEARS. 

So if you live in Vancouver, or you're going to be there, and you want to know about all the best things, hit the https://preciouslist.substack.com/ as well.

I moved the archives over there, and I probably won't update this blog anymore, but I'm not going to break the links so if you go digging around, fair warning: I was very tipsy for most of the late aughts and into the 2010's.  WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU'LL FIND. 

Seriously tho come follow me on Substack. K THANKS

xoxo CP

CORRECTION FROM LAST POST - BASSCOAST LIVED UNTIL IN 2022!!!! I am once again relieved AF

Fast forward two entire years.   

SO at this point the pandemic is straight up at Straggler Level 💯. We're BEYOND end of the night vibes. The ugly lights are ON. There’s a million gross messes to vacuum and all of us are throwing dirty looks while pointing at the door like GO HOME COVID. It's like the virus equivalent of those sketchy festival kids in late September still wearing raggedy-ass unicorn onesies and doing mystery bumps in a field near Kelowna who JUST. WON’T. LET. GO. THAT is Covid right now. It’s been TWO FULL SUMMERS of barely any sound system solace and everyone is just, honestly, simply, shamelessly, dying of rave thirst.

As I'm sure you can ascertain, the west is gettin' wild out there. Venues are popping up all over the place. Some are requiring vax cards, some aren’t, some are members-only, and some are asking you to e-transfer $40 a stranger for a random address that may or may not have the most basic safety measures in place. Like damn. That's DEMAND.  I barely did that shit in the 90s, and I had ABSOLUTELY no respect for my time back then. 

Le sigh. Speaking of respect for my time, I'mma swallow a hard (pressed) pill and admit that any ideas I may have had about a weekly rave digest email blast are on ice for the time being. Things are actually illegal enough right now that that promoters actually NEED social media to verify people’s identities before sharing info about events (TWIST!) Regardless of sketch-factor, pretty much all venues live in fear of tipping off the scariest gang in town: the CoV. (Understandable. They are terrifying). So ya. it’s just not the time yet for a mailing list like this. Just found a fabulous young accomplice who was down to help, dammit! Ah well. Maybe in the fall? Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, LET’S ALL PICTURE IT TOGETHER.  Hospitalizations are dwindling. Warm weather is rollin in hot. Risk of covid-related harm is falling in DIRECT tandem with the level of fucks-given by blitzed out ravers about their exposure. 🙌😎🌈 I mean BASS COAST started selling tickets!!! 

 FEEL IT. SEE IT. BELIEVE IT. 

How crazy is to think that one day we will catch each others' eyes on the dance floor and be, like, uhhhh... did that shit really happen? 

I love you. MISS YOU. 

Xoxo 

CP

BASS COAST WILL LIVE TO 2021!!! I am relieved AF.

SOCIAL DISTANCING DAY 36

So it’s official. Due to the ol’ Covid 19. All of the summer’s large-scale events have been deemed officially canceled by the health minister. No big crowds of any sort will be gathering. Somewhere in the distance, a massive toilet can be heard flushing down this year’s iterations of our beloved festivals.

Without getting into details you could look up yourself (or already have), my beloved Bass Coast announced their COVID-19 survival plan and it's actually pretty solid. But wait -- TWIST -- not everyone agrees with it.  Cue immediate FB shit-storm.

I want to acknowledge that all people’s feelings are valid. I’m not going to argue with people’s respectfully voiced feedback. Disappointment and frustration (and any other thoughts) is understandable. It’s a pain in the ass to have to sell a ticket or wait to redeem it, re-coordinate plans, and not have that extra cash in the meantime. 100% true. It will take time and a temporary period of unknowing. That's definitely inconvenient.

colour me bemused as I peruse the ranting yesterday

One of the most important things I’ve accomplished in my life is becoming comfortable with people disagreeing with me when I know, in my heart, that I’ve acted in line with my values. Knowing that people might shit-talk me, misunderstand me, ignore me  -- and being okay with that --  feels immeasurably powerful. Especially if I can continue to be open to useful feedback.

 In this case, not everyone knows the organizers. Not everyone has had a chance to understand and know how long and how hard-won Bass Coast is as a festival; how many trials and tribulations and struggles and lobbying and negotiating and debts and dynamics and straight up manual labour it took to make it happen. They don’t know the kind of integrity it takes to maintain relationships and partnership through the years; to keep the experience a quality one enough to attract the best staff and talent without a big budget. They have no idea. And you can’t really blame people for that. But if they stick around, they'll learn. And it'll be worth it. And I'll even bet the outcome from this process will surprise and impress them. While I’m trying not to sound like an elitist cult tripper here, yesterday I saw so many misunderstandings about the counterculture mentality upon which these festivals were founded. It was almost perfect irony to see so many of the assumptions and accusations I read on the thread yesterday in DIRECT conflict with the key values of the rave-dom.

I often refer to Shambs as the “portal party” because it tempts many curious, rager-lovin' youngins to their first conscious rave-type event and they get their minds BLOWN. Is that because of the stages and the impressive lazer shows? Nope. You can catch that shit at the PNE.

These are the vibes that changed the game for me:

• Expressing myself here actually feels safe.
• Gathering in large crowded spaces doesn’t feel scary
• Strangers are being kind, and warm, and welcoming.
• I actually genuinely feel connected to other humans.
• Blatant female sexuality is being respected, not just consumed with gross entitlement.
• Nature is valuable and important and considered.
• Woman and queer folx and people of colour are visible and supported here.
• The "war on drugs" is whack af. Alcohol is just as harmful, if not more harmful, than other drugs and psychedelics are like, good for you. NOTE TO SELF: probably be careful when doing drugs.
• If you raise a pirate flag, it will be stolen. By pirates.
• This community feels real.
• There are lots of dudes hugging. (I remember not having seen that before, like overt straight dude affection was still new to me, which is fucked when you think about it ).
• Music and dancing is healing af.
• It's okay to try things, and get feedback, and learn / adjust / change / grow.
• People deserve the benefit of the doubt. People can be trusted.
• PLUR, bitches.

Sounds unrealistically altruistic, and of course there are discrepancies, but more often or not, this is a real thing at these festivals. This is why those kids go back to Calgary with love in their hearts and their brains still Fractal'ed all over the Forest. We are here for each other. ACTUALLY.

This does not, however, exonerate these festivals from needing to operate within a capitalist framework. I do not know the inner workings of Shambhala’s model, but I know they own their land and certain infrastructures, they are three times as big as Bass Coast, and they had a ten year head start. I have no doubt that they can extend options that Bass Coast cannot. But to Bass Coast’s end, I 10000000% trust that they did not “mismanage” ticket money, that they are not “lining their pockets” and that they are doing the very best they can to come up with creative solutions to keep what is an extremely important event to a lot of people. For fuck’s sake, they are STILL combing the feedback and trying their best to adjust the policies as best they can even though they are tiptoeing through emotional landmines with every comment they read. WHO DOES THAT? Ravers, that’s who.

It's hard to make tough decisions that not everyone will agree with. As a recovering people-pleaser tho, I gotta say, I think it’s pretty badass.

Stay safe friends. I love you, for real tho.

xoxoxo
CP


PS: I have some more things to add re: festivals and some other stuff about my alcohol and drug use. Next post. I’ve been really loving writing on the actual new / full moons and posting the next day. See you on May 8th then? Prrrow

QUARANTINA BIRTHDAY and SWEET GOODBYES - Social Distancing DAY 24

QUARANTINA BIRTHDAY w/ those hot roots spillin' secrets  all over the place. shiiii

WELL. I have to say my 39th birthday was actually pretty fabulous and VERY "Aries - The CP Story". Strong start, very excited, got tipsy and went IG live only to realize that it’s incredibly glitchy and stuttered and kept crashing for like, EVERYONE (sarry about it). I then got frustrated not being able to properly interact or land jokes due to the lag, so I kind of stopped after about an hour. CLASSIC. 😎😂🎉


Def had a big bout of darkness and anxiety this week, which I recognize might be related to post-party brain dips, but also could maybe be, I don’t know, THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC currently happening. As the kinda bitch who strives to push the envelope and exercise my freedoms shamelessly, new restrictions come not-so-delicately wired to a deep, rooted rage. I am someone who consciously revels in rebellious, libertine-esque indignation as a general lifestyle choice, and I recognize this means I hold an insane amount of privilege, but nevertheless, that’s my deal. Logically, I knew it was very “first-world” and JUST a weee bit disproportionate to hurl hell’s fury at the locks on the tennis courts where I like to practice rollerskating, but I have to tell you, it REALLY seemed warranted at the time.


I imagined what it must be like for the people who are properly fucked right now; people who are being forced to work in terrible conditions because they can’t afford to get sick, people in the immigration border camps, people defending their land up North. I raged. And I raged about how powerless I feel. AND, thanks to standard boomer parent programming, I had to remind myself OVER and OVER and OVER that it's okay to be upset even though my life is a relative breeze. Any of these sound familiar? "I'll give you something to cry about". "You're being silly". "Settle down". I mean to be fair I get why parents do that, since babies cry over literally everything, but it can take conscious effort to shhh those voices now. I did it tho. I let myself fully surrender to the emotions that DEMAND for me to participate in the overwhelming call-to-action happening all around the world. I think it's important to do. I def want to stay connected to that.


Beyond all of this craziness tho, I'll be straight-up: this been a fucking painful, awkward and loss-filled 38th year. I made a LOT of seriously uncomfortable trial-and-error adjustments last year, house-wise, job-wise, friends-wise; my daily routines, even the way I drink (I’m stoked, but damn. SO much work and failed attempts to get there). The flip side, tho, is that all these changes were a result of some serious progress around my self esteem and my sense of personal power. I guess you could call it , um, “growing up”. UGHHHHHHH


Here’s the big one: I shed some good friends -- at one point, were best friends, even -- who, for whatever (perfectly valid) reason, were no longer able to show up for me. And that might sound like a no-brainer, but unfortunately the way these things usually happen isn’t always because everyone is all forthcoming about growing apart with lots of tears and hugging and greeting cards. Nope. Sometimes “not-showing-up” manifests in a lot of denial, passive aggression, avoidance and promise-breaking. I’d be lying if I told you that a lot of events around this shift weren't profoundly disappointing, but no one's perfect I guess, including me. Here’s the magic thing tho. For the first time in my life, I didn’t try to fix things. I didn’t overcompensate. I didn’t try harder or betray my own boundaries to keep everything “working”. I didn’t fight it. Instead I simply adjusted my choices to reflect my true values. And it was rough, but you know what? Sad news is never fun. Doesn’t mean it isn't key information. And damned if being able to face and handle that shit doesn’t make me feel powerful AF.


16 years of joy and fun and debauchery. Wild nights of shows, sex and secrets. The killer lessons and SOLID savvy I earned from Sweet Soul will remain safely tucked in my bra, along with some very epic stories, hopefully that I will write about it one day. Maybe here? Maybe as part of a book? One day. No regrets, but one thing's for sure: the spell is broken. No longer am I living in the la-la land of my 20s where red flags only served to point me towards the path to familiarity.  😂  I’ll tell ya, it’s one thing to take the time to realize the unhelpful patterns you recreate as a young adult, it’s quite another to watch yourself break free of them. I’m fucking strong. And now I have THAT to offer that up to the next big chapter.


In comes 39, and out goes a really big, glittery, era of my life. It’s been over “unofficially” for a long time, “officially” for a short time, but was only finally truly and fully released by my heart, with this pretty, pink, full moon.

I love you all. See you ‘round the 22nd?


Xoxo
CP

Top 12 Drama & Sci-Fi Series Picks - SOCIAL DISTANCING DAY 11

See also:
SOCIAL DISTANCING DAY 9: CP's Top 12 Comedy Series Picks

SOCIAL DISTANCING DAY 8: Focus

There's something to be said for a good ol' cathartic TV moment, like where the touching plot device thingy / relationship ends up making you bawl about your own thing and then you feel better. Ohhhh yeahhh. Also, there' nothing like a crazed gun-toting murderer chasing someone on screen to remind you that in fact, everything right now sure actually isn't as bad as it is FOR THAT GUY.

I'll tell you right now I’m less on the sentimental family drama tip and more on the dark, thriller / crime stuff as well as sci-fi leaning stuff, so bear that in mind. Nothing against the former; s’just a personal preference. And while some of this stuff gets dark & murdery & gnarly, but I’m not a fan of overly gory stuff so there’s not much... like if you saw Game of Thrones you’ll be fine (other than having some of those images now burned in your head).

BEHOLD my Top 12 Streaming Dramas & Sci-Fi's!!


Watchmen (HBO) HOLY CRAP. Bingeing this my NYE this year and it was legit one of the Best New Years I’ve had in YEARS. And with our own Greg Middleton on DOP!! Wut wuttt that’s nuts)


Fargo The Series (Netflix) - Brilliant, provocative, creatively connected, and darkly funny af


Big Little Lies (CRAVE) - Honestly the acting in this is INSANELY good. Laura Dern just slays the fuck out of this in particular and Meryl Streep as the villain in season 2 -- zomg. It’s so satisfying to hate her and she KNOWS it.


Sharp Objects (CRAVE) - haunting, complex, emo and smart af


Breaking Bad (Netflix) - One of my favorite series but I don’t even think I could watch it again cuz it was such a dark ride. This is the one exception to the “not too gory” description, there’s def a few scenes I’m not in a hurry to revisit. But it’s SO well done and well written and just.. amazing story-telling.


Better Call Saul (Netflix) - Breaking Bad’s spin-off is very much the same vein of effective, powerful, visual storytelling. “It’s a mood” very much applies here


Succession (CRAVE) - Corporate drama, which I enjoy. This one is a little on the lighter side, more soap-y, but very satisfying. Great characters and super fun scandalous humour


Devs (FX) - tech-world sci-fi thriller starring perfectly cast Nick Offerman - it’s new, we’re VERY into it so far


The Ozark (Netflix)

Thriller crime steeze again but like, with trees and shit. Dark n creepy and I really like it so far… Season 3 drops next week.



CLASSIC MUST-SEE SERIOUSLY DO IT YOU GUYS.


The Wire (CRAVE) - Classic street crime series, set in Baltimore. Creepy af. Stayed with me for YEARS.  I LOVE YOU OMARRR


6 Feet Under (Hulu) - Ok to be fair it’s been a hot fucking minute since I’ve watched this but I do remember having all the feels and hunting around to all the VIDEO STORES to find the next DVD in the series. And then bawling my eyes out when it ended.


Star Trek TNG (Netflix) - NOTE I MEAN NEXT GENERATION. The other ones are like okay… but…. it’s a classic for an effin’ reason ok. JEEZ. Just trust me it’s QUITE entertaining.


And may I suggest whipping up a batch of cookie dough and wrap it up into a log in the fridge. We are slice off a few hunks and bake ‘em every night and that way they are warm, and also it helps us to not EAT THEM ALL AT ONCE the day I make the dough. Not that that’s ever happened every other single time ever. No. No it has not.

HAPPY BINGEING FRIENDS

Xoxoxo
CP

SOCIAL DISTANCING DAY 9: CP's Top 12 Comedy Series Picks

CPS COVID DIARIES  - CP's TOP 12 COMEDY SERIES PICKS

ALRIGHT so it’s actually nice out today in Vancouver, but at some point it’ll get dark and cold and then the “pandemic unknown” vibes will close in on your soul again, so how about some quality television to distract you from your feelings? SOUNDS GREAT!!

Ok ok ok I’m being a bit dramatic (WHO ME??) but to be fair, so many loved ones are in various places of distress and at the same time VERY AWARE of being lucky and privileged AF.  I feel like those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive, btw. Being mad and grateful at the same time is fully the vibe right now, and they don't cancel each other out. UGHHH SO MANY FEELINGS...

SO, LAUGHING. If you are a sarcastic bitch like me and into shit that’s satirical or entertainment industry related, give one of these a whirl.


Atlanta (FX)** - Donald Glover wrote, produced and starred in this; he’s an effin’ boss. Just so all-around excellent, he’s like a bright star of situational comedy. It’s interesting to remember while watching this that he started in the writing room at 30 Rock, echoing the lightly auto-biographical aspects of Tina Fey’s strong narratives but in a VERY VERY different style and context. It’s amazing. Seriously. One of my top picks. **ALSO SORRY THIS IS FX BUT THERE ARE WAYS. THOSE WAYS ARE WORTHWHILE.


Insecure (HBO, CRAVE): Female show-runner; clever & refreshingly funny, with sexy af multi-dimensional male characters. AMAZING SOUNDTRACK, zomg for real I find so many new artists from this.


Review with Forrest MacNeil (Comedy Central, CRAVE): Starts light and steers you right into possibly the best dark satire I’ve seen in years. I can’t even describe it, just watch. This guy is brilliant. I cry-laugh.


Broad City (Comedy Central, CRAVE): Very “Bust” magazine if Bust magazine girls lived in Brooklyn in their 20s after they got kicked out of their Manhattan basement suite. It's very fun if not a touch inconsistent,

Nathan For You: (Comedy Central, CRAVE) Extra recommended if you own any type of small business. Deadpan perfection from Vancouver improv king Nathan Fielder, who wrote, directed and starred in this “Ali-G” style series featuring the most hilarious entrepreneurial disaster plans imaginable.


The Comeback (HBO CRAVE) This series takes second hand embarrassment to the next level especially because WE ALL KNOW THIS PERSON and we DO NOT want to be them.
I enjoy a solid binge and cringe through both seasons of The Comeback as well as reading EGO IS THE ENEMY every few years just to put the fear of God into me.


Friends From College (Netflix): I’m still obsessed with Fred Savage from Wonder Years days, and I give no fucks, Kevin Arnold for Lyfe. 20 years later, his sophomore show-runner effort about peeps in their 30s had me cry-laughing. Great fucking binge. Thanks Kevin.


Detroiters (CRAVE)
This random af and very hilarious show is brought to you by largely the same humans as “I Think You Should Leave” on Netflix about two best buddies trying to make commercials for businesses in Detroit.

Drunk History (Comedy Central)
Although I’m not the biggest fan of the host Derek Waters, the hilarious comedians telling stories and the way they are told fully make up for it. Plus you learn shit!!


What We Do in The Shadows (FX)
Vampires failing in modern society. I mean that’s really all I need to say. Based on the NZ movie by now Oscar winner Taika Waititi and Flight of the Conchords’ Jermain Clement, which is also worth a watch


Catastrophe (Amazon Prime)
Rob Delaney found his perfect match in the brilliant Sharon Horgan and are both people I’d love to hang out with. When they get pregnant in their 40s after a slutty romp, they become the sarcastic parents I would certainly aspire to be. If I was into that sort of thing.

Barry (HBO, CRAVE)
Bill Hader writes and stars in this super compelling dark comedy about a hit man who decides he wants to become (wait for it…) AN ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD. SPOILER: it goes SUPER well for him.

K that’s all for now folks! I’m gonna go find an empty parking lot to roller-skate in without touching anything except, well, probably, the concrete. Because FALLING MEANS YOU’RE GOING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. (Shout out Rolla Skate Club, I miss you guys!)

PS I'm testing out a new at home video set up.. maybe we'll be able to parlay this into a few vids eventually?? HMMMMMMMMMMM???? (pic below of my hilarious "quarantine ring light" rig)

See you tomorrow for my Dramatic Series picks!!

(ok so it might be a bittttttt yellow 😂😂. but my dollar store selfie stick is FIRE)

CP's COVID DIARIES BY CP - Day 1: Focus

COVID DIARIES - DAY 1 / SOCIAL DISTANCING - DAY 8

FOCUS

This morning I felt the call to wake up early (which I NEVER do), do some stretching, and sit down to start documenting my experience. I do not know why I feel such a strong call, but it popped up HARD and clear during my awkward kitchen yoga practice yesterday -- “HEY BITCH!!! EARLY START. BLOG WRITING. TOMORROW.” And I was like, "what?" but of course my body was like, “cool” and woke up naturally at 7 ish, so here I am. It’s been awhile since I’ve dedicated any real time to my blog because adulting is FUCKING exhausting. I also still grapple with my two biggest blocks: my inner critic (SUCH an asshole), and second, my tendency to start OH SO STRONG and then lose interest / burn out. One thing I don’t really do tho, is stop trying. So for whatever reason the call has come from within (dramatic voice) and I really have no fucking excuse, so why not try. It’s a new day, new moon in my sign, Aries. Maybe not everything has to be so fucking perfect all the time and I can just post what I write without manicuring it forty thousand times hey? Let’s start some COVID-DIARIES.


Alright so. I've been working from home for 8 days, and we’re all doing this new thing called “social distancing” right now. My feed has exploded with people yelling at other people to do the right thing, which is to stay at home, make essential trips out ONLY if necessary, and stay two metres away from other humans other than your Germ Pod (aka the people you sleep/live with). The government has just announced new emergency laws in which people can be fined $1000 for breaking “social distancing” guidelines and non-essential businesses will be fined $50K (It is interesting, and somewhat appropriate I feel, to note that liquor stores count as “essential businesses”). Personally I have yet to see anyone in my feed admit to breaking these rules but I live in a pretty left-leaning echo chamber. I wonder how many idiots are listening. I hope they are.


Canada seems to be holding it down so far in the comparative case department but we’re just starting to get into the time when symptoms could start showing up. My partner Gregg and I have been navigating this day by day, almost hour by hour, and TBH it’s kind of mentally exhausting. It feels like people don’t actually know what the fuck is going on and things change all the time. It feels like because the media and social media are now designed to keep you coming back / checking in, it’s a non-stop whirlwind of fucked up news. My friend told me he & his partner have a new rule: no talking about COVID-19 first thing in the morning or right before bed. I think that’s probably a good move. For me I might need to cut my news checking to just noon and night. I resist the idea that my safety will somehow be enhanced by the compulsive scrolling I’m prompted to do simply to ease the manufactured anxiety these companies have deliberately crafted within me to fill their pockets. Considering there are so many skewed thoughts out there and that the media is needing to fill up valuable air-time 24 hours a day, I can only imagine the mad drama filler and far-reaching human “interest” stories I’ll be missing by checking out for most of the day. (I mean, what else are they going to report on? The fact that the Wet'suwet'en are still getting screwed? -- pssssh. That was SO last month).


But mostly I’m choosing to check only twice a day because I have shit to do and I can’t waste energy on that draining-ass spiral. I’m going to FOCUS. First of all I need to make sure my family is doing okay and that means a phone call daily. Second of all I need to check in on the humans I know who are quarantined ALL BY THEMSELVES, and those with compromised immune systems -- or at least make sure someone else is checking in on them. Third of all I need to make a list of all the health care workers in my life and figure out a way to support them safely, which I think maybe I’ll cook them some dinners? Like if they are going to be totally ravaged and emotionally drained at the end of their days I’m not even going to ask them how their day was or “if I can do anything”. I’m gonna be like, “do you want me to make you a fucking veggie lasagna? Or do you need a bag of weed? I’m going to drop that shit outside your house. I love you.” Or something. I don't know.


But in order to do all this shit I need to keep MY shit in some cute piles, and for me personally that means pulling myself out of my imagination, not making up stories about what could happen, and connecting with that part of me on a daily that is scared and mad so I can move through it and not spiral even more. Yah, you heard me. I’m fucking mad. Things were going pretty great for me before all this shit happened after a lonnnng time of stuff being pretty challenging. I’m bummed and I’m mad and I’m also pretty fucking worried about my American homies. And I know I need to sit with that stompy baby inside of me, and be like, “it’s ok to be mad, be scared, it’s okay baby” and comfort her. That takes focus and energy too and it's not as fun as seeing my hot friends' mask couture on Instagram but I GUESS it's more important. *sigh*


I also want to try to kick ass and show my value at my job. I feel IMMENSELY grateful for the fact that I'm working from home, but the studio is shut down and could very well be for who knows how long so I gotta kick some ass and show my value. That's gonna take focus as well. Working from home is distracting AF!! Have you seen my bunnies? UM. They are insanely adorable. And also eating a lot of hay right now. Uhhhhh groceries... fuck. k


So FOCUSING is going to be my focus. Shhhhh-ing everything else for even 45 min at a time. Zeroing in on where I put my energy and keeping my feet, head and heart firmly on the ground. Remembering how my sister used to see my brain pin-balling, zipping back and forth in a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas. She would grab me by the shoulders, and snap, “CRYSTAL! FOCUS!!” I can hear her almost now, looking down, having a giggle at me. I hope she’s kinda proud. I AM FOCUSING.

K gotta go do some shit. See you bitches tomorrow! I have a list of movie & streaming recommendations for everyone. 

my bunnies @bettie_and_franklin

my blurry-ass face

Another Fallen Star

Trigger warning: drug use, death, trauma, mental health. 💙

Gracie. Portrait by Megs Majewski

A lot of close humans in my life are hurting after the sudden loss of Gracie Perkins, a beloved, vibrant, magical woman in our community. Many of them are fellow rave veterans preparing for the busiest summer months. In the spirit of care and connection, I would like to offer something personal. I genuinely hope it might be of some use to someone.

Years ago, I found myself grieving at this time of year. It was a big summer with lots of gigs and lots
of raving. I wish I could say I prepared in advance for all the accompanying temptations, and that I
coped in a healthy way. I did not. 

I had every intention of doing so, however, and that's the part I wanted to highlight. I’ve raved for two
decades and I am smart enough to know that life is hard enough without the horrible shame-over
cycles and a brain fried like a smol egg, producing zero happy juice. I know when I’m enhancing a moment vs when I am trying to numb out. Despite all my intentions, I straight-up forgot / didn’t give a fuck about any of that after about drink #3. I started having a LOT of trouble “shushing” the nasty voice that urged me to make shittier and shittier choices. Teamed up with my drunk self, it had QUITE the time bossing me around for a good long while.

I wince hard, even now, over the 10000 super dangerous and gross mistakes I made while I was
really fucked up. There's a few I’m still paying for, quite honestly. 

Obviously a few nights of blowing off steam would probably have been fine, (and again -- that was
the plan) but if I’d known how easy it was gonna be to slip into weeks into actual months, I would’ve
planned ahead for temptation. I would’ve legit set hard limits on my use and of nights out. No carte blanche ticket to Fucknut Town for months on end because “I’m in pain”. (That excuse didn't even make sense because it did not make the pain stay away. It just made me do stupid shit). I would have had a festival recovery plan, and asked for help from non-judgemental friends. I would have checked in with them BEFOREHAND to help me stay accountable instead of seeking out those who enabled me AFTER I had already flown off the handle. I would have prioritized setting up a self-care process BEFORE I went raving all summer instead of eventually stitching one together in a blurry, serentonin-sapped mess. 

I don't love thinking about that time in my life, but I forgave myself. And no matter what, I will not
shame you. Reach out if you're having a rough time. I have worked to create time and
heart-space for the people in my community. I am here.

There’s a lot of strange, complex emotions with grief. On a super personal tip, now that I’ve spent a
few years digging deeper into my past, I know that I was punishing myself; self-inflicting shame and
guilt. It sounds weird, but getting super f**ked up and self-destructive still actually made me feel closer
to my sister somehow, like sinking into that dark vibe made her less far away. I’m not sure how to
describe it. I just know it really felt like a good idea at the time, which is scary.

My closeys know this, but it took me a hot minute to get back to a healthy place, mentally. I still
sometimes go through long stints of not drinking if I’m feeling fragile; I reset all my party moves
every so often. Every year around this time, I have to be careful not to slip into a dark place. I have
a personal emergency EJECT button, which to run to the coast IMMEDIATELY and cry and sing at
the ocean and write a million things and watch drag queens and talk to people I love. And bunnies.

I try to focus on now is the idea that grief is a process of love. Grief exists only because there is
so much love.

My heart goes out to all the friends and family who loved this beautiful soul, Gracie.

xoxoxo

CP

The Crystal Precious Guide to Festival Raving - PODCAST VERSION

It's that time again!!

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HEARD ME. 

READ THE FULL POST HERE: The Crystal Precious First Timer's Guide to Festival Raving

Normally I write out this epic bazillion page detailed Guide every year with stories and anecdotes and revisions and blah blah "in my voice"... BUT THEN... it dawned on me. Why don't I LITERALLY put this in my voice? *ligthbulbs. ! OH SHIITTTT.

Download them in .mp3 format here:  EP 001   EP 002 

I'm streaming them on Soundcloud (below in order). All the detes / reminders/ etc are there!






As mentioned in Ep 001 I've also included a Cheat Sheet of all the crap you need to remember for later visual reference while you're packing & prepping in case you're like me and your short term memory isn't the greatest anymore (hmmm wonder why THAT could be)...

CP Fest Reminders Cheat Sheet
CP Fest Packing List

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to the podcast and/or give it a review!!  Each time someone subscribes I get bumped up in the search engine, so I'd be mega grateful.

See you at Bass Coast on the Mainstage Friday!!

Snapz n' sashays..

xoxo
CP

Bass Coast Main Stage 2014

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Saying No To The Echo Chamber - Art vs. Network

One month later. the fog has lifted. Literally. It REALLY helps that the sun has come out in Vancouver this week, snow or no. I always forget how much I need more of it.

I have to admit that my profound disappointment and shock at Trump's election win brought about some un-useful behaviour -- like ohhh say, calling the Americans that voted for him "assholes". Sigh. In the moment it seemed to be WAY TOTALLY HELPFUL, but I acknowledge that and I apologize in general. Reactions aside, I am actually completely on-board and in fact INTERESTED in having discussions about different viewpoints, so long as they do not promote hate and or disrespect. I'm glad the perspective of openness towards discussion seems to be encouraged among my peers and moving around the web.

Since the election, I've been drawn to learning more about this echo chamber effect the media world is chattering about.  Loosely speaking, I'm referring to the idea that social-network based media tends to provide world views limited to the (usually) like-minded people on your feed. Up until this year, the likelihood of me deleting someone who said something (subtly or unintentionally) sexist from my friend feed was very high. Now I'm reconsidering whether that is really the most helpful thing to do. Isn't the reason why I'm here to share my ideas to those who haven't seen it that way before? Isn't that what all artists do?

Reminded me of why I've always strived to bring burlesque to multi-disciplinary festivals. Performing for each other in the burlesque scene can be a great way to keep building on excellence as an art form, sure, but I think it's part of the work to make sure our messages get OUT there beyond those who already get it. IMHO, nothing says "being naked isn't an invitation for sexual assault" like a quality burlesque show at an outdoor music festival. I felt great about trying to branching out from the burlesque scene, even if I've performed at some places where there have been some fat-shaming idiots in the crowd heckling me or propositioning me after the show. I think it's worth it.

I decided this month to finally start setting up a broader access Page on Facebook. I've been reluctant to do this up until now as I was mega burnt out on admin stuff while managing the Sweet Soul troupe. Now we have shifted, and I'm only leading the projects I want to. I've had a good break and I feel refreshed. I've become a lot more comfortable with my boundaries, which was another source of reluctance around putting myself out there more.

It's a process...  hatching again is awkward, and it'll be a trial and error like everything until I find my footing. :) If you've read this to the end.. thank you, sincerely.

I love you and I'm NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT. So there.

:)

xoxo
CP

10 Things I'm Doing To Not Freak Out

FYI I'm not sharing these necessarily as suggestions. I'm just sharing, period. I'm one of those people who usually has a delayed emotional response when serious shit goes down. Like Jen Kirkman says in her awesome book, my feelings generally write themselves into a letter that my heart will open much after the fact. I work with it. Luckily, I've been around long enough now to know when a letter has been written.

In the meantime, I do this stuff.

1. Hug people I love. A lot. A lot tho.

2. Take a 5mg melatonin before bed. Whatever. I'm not above it. Or 10 mg even if my head is really racing. I'm getting better at meditating, which YES, does help with the thought circles, but honestly it then will ofter make room for the creative to come through and then I'm UP FOREVER. For me, the only thing worse than being upset is being TIRED and upset. It's like shifting the engine into crazy town o turbo. So I take a damn supplement and I read an engaging-enough-but-not-insanely-thrilling book to distract myself until I fall asleep. Classics work beautifully. (I borrowed Rupaul's autobiography Open Library last week which is borderline too good. The key is you have to be willing to put it down.)

3. Have really soothing, non-psycho-weed on me at all times and a shit-ton of rap music to listen to. Been listening to Outkast "Atliens" after it was featured on Atlanta's season finale. (FYI I really feel like Atlanta is the smartest, deepest, coolest show on TV right now. Donald Glover = the shit.)

4. Buy a bunch of healthy groceries, including treats. That way I can't do that thing where I order 80 pizzas and a cheesecake because "I have to eat anyway". You KNOW my mouth luvvvvvvs doing that, and I couldn't give a fuck about gaining weight, but my insides don't like it much anymore. SIGH. Stupid "getting older".  

5. Be a bitch about it on my microphone. That works.

6. Catch myself in any non-productive spirals of despair and STOP to watch a baby bunny video. Legit tho, I do that. Then I  go back to whatever I was doing, which ideally requires focus. ORRR I load up an episode of Rupaul's Drag Race. Or rather --- Skin Wars, because I've seen all the RPDR episodes like ten times and I need my Ru fix NOW DAMMIT. Side note: I mayyyy be a little obsessed with Rupaul. I really do think HE should be the president.

7. Realize that technically, only a 1/4 of Americans are Serious Assholes. Just because half the population didn't vote DOES NOT automatically mean that half of them would've voted Republican. My hope isn't lost for the non-voters... even if they totally suck right now.  

8. Think about how most Officially Serious Assholes are old white dudes.  Boy, they sure do feel like they're important eh? They're SO OLD tho. Getting older every day.

9. Deeply consider the damage that Officially Serious Assholes did in our own country.  I recently learned that there are the thousands upon thousands of Canadian humans who don't have safe running water.  Over 100 reserves. WHAT THE FUCK?? That shit is fucking crazy. How did I not even know that was happening?!! Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's all just more fallout from racism and fascism in the name of economic power, right? Trump is an Official Serious Asshole, but we have not exactly been asshole-free up here. If I'm gonna stick my fist in the air for future America, current Canada is getting bumped up the list too.

Sometimes I don't know what the thing is that I can do to help with that, honestly, like tangibly. Maybe it's time to start asking people.

10. I feel the effing feelings. UGGGGH THIS ONE'S THE WORST.

You never know when the mail's gonna show up for someone. I hope we all stagger a bit.

xo

CP

Progress: Requires honesty, apparently.

You know what path you're on. You feel hopeful that you can send some good ripples out into the world. You are immeasurably grateful. You can't wait to get out there, and for what you'll get to experience. And for whom you'll get to meet along the way.

You’re excited. You enjoy the sights, sounds. You make stops. You bask in the adventure. You’re always eager to get to your next milestone.

The longer you’re on the road, the more eager you become. After awhile, the eagerness starts to become anxiety.

Sometimes you’re not sure how long it will take to make it to the next gas station… so you drive even faster.

You start to miss things.

Sometimes the wheels are spinning so fast that you can’t figure out if you’re even on the right path.  

There are other people on the road, people who come in and out of tandem with you. Some have been road buddies for a long, long time. Inevitably, you feel them start to drive off into other directions. You consider trying make them passengers, because you want them close. At some point you’re reminded that everyone needs to have their own car… including you.

Sometimes... sometimes you run something over by accident.

When that happens it scares you.

You STOP.  You get out. You see tiny leaks. You see little patches where rust is slowly setting in. You see the residue from the muddy roads

fucking up your sassy shine. And even though that at this stage losing time has always felt like the last possible resort, you stop. You have to stop for a minute.

You enjoy the rest. You see how many things were slowing you down. You give extra love to all the areas that needed love. You know it was the right decision. And finally, when your belts are whirring happily again and your antifreeze is topped up, you notice something.

In the distance, a FUCKING FREEWAY has been built in your direction.

Rrrrrright.  

Time to get on that, then.

:)



xo
CP

The Crystal Precious First Timer Guide to Festival Raving

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